This past week, I had a miscarriage. I was in my first trimester, and we had just told friends and family and announced our good news on facebook. We had been praying for this baby, and it was so fun to watch Kate’s excitement as she told people how “God answered us and said yes!” A few days after we made our happy news public, the miscarriage started, and by late Monday we knew for sure that we had lost the baby.
My days have their ups and downs. Mornings are usually more hopeful, and I have more emotional reserves to deal with whatever stresses come from caring for children or living overseas. Afternoons lately have been hard. I’m tired, but not sleepy enough to take a nap. I’m lonely, but I don’t want to talk to anyone. I know life is not going to be normal and rosy right now, and so I try to take the advice from a friend who has been here before: just get through today. And really, this is the same thing that Jesus said. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own. I trust that God will provide, that He is faithful. He is my hiding place and my comforter. I pray that He will bless us with more children in the future, and for now I’ll wait patiently and lean on Him. I want to learn what He is teaching me. I want to let this loss break off some of the rough places on my heart. I want to let Him mold me into something usable for His purposes. It hurts, but I trust Him.
Love you sweet friend! You are right – getting through each day is the best approach. There is no way of telling yourself how you should feel in a week, month, year. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit.” psalm 34:18 — praying for you!